Cosmic Chronicles

semi-charmed escapades of a professional human

this is the life I chose...

previous episodes

  1. Operation Champagne Starcruiser (or, Just My Luck)
    23 May, 2017
    Operation Champagne Starcruiser (or, Just My Luck)
    I guess to understand why I’m willing to make ungodly gambles with the infrastructure and general course of my life, you have to understand my relationship with the Universe. For some reason, often only the worst case scenarios lead to the best possible outcomes for this freelance fighter...my last post covered the concept to an extent, but an equally decent “AJ’s life in a nutshell” story unfolded just this morning. You see, my “day job,” if you want to call it that, is writing online. (I’ll
  2. Your Life Has Been Disconnected
    03 Apr, 2017
    Your Life Has Been Disconnected
    I recently spent a month or so without a smartphone. It wasn’t something I set out to do, I’m not one of those guys who brags about not having a TV…even though, I guess I don’t…but count me among the majority of the modern world as someone who has long enjoyed the many everyday conveniences offered to us by these miraculous little devices. -a touching poem composed the morning after.- Anyway, I say all that as exposition for the fact that one morning after a beach party in late February, I
  3. Trippy Advice: Guadalajara
    28 Mar, 2017
    Trippy Advice: Guadalajara
    Overview As far as I know, Guadalajara is essentially a major city like Chicago in the alternate timeline where the Mexican-American War went the other way. -totally a pic I took. yup.- Surviving in various forms since the 1500s, today Guadalajara is a sprawling metropolis of nearly 5 million people that is known not only as the capital city and cosmopolitan center of iconic Mexican state Jalisco, home of timeless cultural elements such as tequila and mariachi music, but one of North
  4. UMTJ VIII: Guacamole Galore
    30 Jan, 2017
    UMTJ VIII: Guacamole Galore
    *this excerpt from my upcoming and untitled Mexican travel guide details how guacamole actually changed my life.* I’ve loved guacamole since the very first time I tasted it less than 5 years ago. You see, I didn’t grow up in a Tex-Mex flavored family. We were more of an African-American fusion cuisine household, and so the closest I ever got to the flavors for which I ended up essentially repatriating was fast food foisted upon me by a talking Chihuahua. Even that gateway drug tickled my
  5. Writing and the Wall
    26 Jan, 2017
    Writing and the Wall
    It’s been about a week since the sky fell or whatever. I’ve thought about it for a while, and now I’m going to say pretty much everything I have to contribute on the matter. I once thought racism was pretty much limited to America's Deep South and toothless cousin couples who liked to dress up as pointy ghosts on the weekends. Now, this isn’t to say that everyone who contributed to this result automatically harbors some kind of deep-seated hatred toward any class of persons. Hell, that’s the
  6. UMTJ VI: Why Puerto Vallarta?
    24 Dec, 2016
    UMTJ VI: Why Puerto Vallarta?
    (the newest excerpt from my upcoming book examines just how the hell someone scientifically selects somewhere else on the planet to live.) Coast to Coast Considerations ...This isn’t to say that was the moment I decided that Puerto Vallarta, Mexico would be my new home. In fact, Mexico was one of the last places I considered departing to, in part because of widespread misconceptions about Mexican life perpetrated by American media and Taco Bell. However, that was the moment I decided that I
  7. UMTJ IV: My Cross (Country Flight) to Bear
    24 Dec, 2016
    UMTJ IV: My Cross (Country Flight) to Bear
    (one more slice of a book still fleshing itself out...) You know, I had always heard about how inconvenient and overall lackluster the common air travel experience is, but in my excitement to flee the country I almost forgot that I’d have to deal with it. To be sure, the whole thing started off smoothly enough. I waited until the perfect time to purchase my $238 one-way ticket, got my confirmation code, and operation ODOOVY was underway…or so I thought. It’s not that I wasn’t mentally
  8. Untitled Mexican Travel Journal Excerpt III: Donde esta...todo?
    24 Dec, 2016
    Untitled Mexican Travel Journal Excerpt III: Donde esta...todo?
    (yet another slice of a book still writing itself) I had to look more than a little crazy, fresh off a flight to Mexico in a USA Hockey jersey among the other layers I so painstakingly detailed last chapter. It was a great plan in frosty Philly, continued paying dividends in Denver, and even worked out fine during my two hours in the aggressively air-conditioned Phoenix Sky Harbor. However, I was now in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, and the forecast called for an 85 degree temperature,
  9. Untitled Mexican Travel Journal Excerpt II: Leap of Faith
    24 Dec, 2016
    Untitled Mexican Travel Journal Excerpt II: Leap of Faith
    (another excerpt from a book still writing itself)  I arrived at the airport on a forbiddingly frigid Phildelphia afternoon, lugging my luggage through the revolving doors of the airport with 2 hours to spare and giving the TSA ample time to violate my every semblance of privacy as was recommended. Because I was loath to pay $60 to check two bags as opposed to the $25 for one and don’t do well in the cold at all, I elected to wear an intricately multilayered outfit consisting of the

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