Cosmic Chronicles

semi-charmed escapades of a professional human

this is the life I chose...

previous episodes

  1. UMTJ VIII: Guacamole Galore
    30 Jan, 2017
    UMTJ VIII: Guacamole Galore
    *this excerpt from my upcoming and untitled Mexican travel guide details how guacamole actually changed my life.* I’ve loved guacamole since the very first time I tasted it less than 5 years ago. You see, I didn’t grow up in a Tex-Mex flavored family. We were more of an African-American fusion cuisine household, and so the closest I ever got to the flavors for which I ended up essentially repatriating was fast food foisted upon me by a talking Chihuahua. Even that gateway drug tickled my
  2. UMTJ VII: “Perdí Mi Tarjeta!”
    24 Dec, 2016
    UMTJ VII: “Perdí Mi Tarjeta!”
    (the next preview slice of my upcoming book shows that this ain’t some vacation...this is my life. shit happens, yeah?) Chapter 4- Vida Real Of course, it wasn’t all margaritas and madrugadas. If you stay pretty much anywhere in the world for over 3 days or so, the…logistical quirks…of the locale will begin to make themselves apparent. As I mentioned, I’m not exactly a seasoned traveler (yet, Bourdain…I am coming for your perfectly coiffed silver crowned head!), but as someone with friends
  3. UMTJ VI: Why Puerto Vallarta?
    24 Dec, 2016
    UMTJ VI: Why Puerto Vallarta?
    (the newest excerpt from my upcoming book examines just how the hell someone scientifically selects somewhere else on the planet to live.) Coast to Coast Considerations ...This isn’t to say that was the moment I decided that Puerto Vallarta, Mexico would be my new home. In fact, Mexico was one of the last places I considered departing to, in part because of widespread misconceptions about Mexican life perpetrated by American media and Taco Bell. However, that was the moment I decided that I
  4. UMTJ V: Take me to Church
    24 Dec, 2016
    UMTJ V: Take me to Church
    (the next shared slice of my life in Mexico...) Finally, there was my absolute favorite part of life in Puerto Vallarta in the early days: its selection of absolutely stunning beaches. The beauty of Puerto Vallarta’s shoreline is ineffable in my view, but since I can’t write this book without trying, I’ll just try not to eff it up. The countless footprints I left in the sand were an opportunity to truly expand my perspectives on life. I often gazed at the mighty rocks that dotted the beach
  5. UMTJ IV: My Cross (Country Flight) to Bear
    24 Dec, 2016
    UMTJ IV: My Cross (Country Flight) to Bear
    (one more slice of a book still fleshing itself out...) You know, I had always heard about how inconvenient and overall lackluster the common air travel experience is, but in my excitement to flee the country I almost forgot that I’d have to deal with it. To be sure, the whole thing started off smoothly enough. I waited until the perfect time to purchase my $238 one-way ticket, got my confirmation code, and operation ODOOVY was underway…or so I thought. It’s not that I wasn’t mentally
  6. Untitled Mexican Travel Journal Excerpt III: Donde esta...todo?
    24 Dec, 2016
    Untitled Mexican Travel Journal Excerpt III: Donde esta...todo?
    (yet another slice of a book still writing itself) I had to look more than a little crazy, fresh off a flight to Mexico in a USA Hockey jersey among the other layers I so painstakingly detailed last chapter. It was a great plan in frosty Philly, continued paying dividends in Denver, and even worked out fine during my two hours in the aggressively air-conditioned Phoenix Sky Harbor. However, I was now in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, and the forecast called for an 85 degree temperature,
  7. Untitled Mexican Travel Journal Excerpt II: Leap of Faith
    24 Dec, 2016
    Untitled Mexican Travel Journal Excerpt II: Leap of Faith
    (another excerpt from a book still writing itself)  I arrived at the airport on a forbiddingly frigid Phildelphia afternoon, lugging my luggage through the revolving doors of the airport with 2 hours to spare and giving the TSA ample time to violate my every semblance of privacy as was recommended. Because I was loath to pay $60 to check two bags as opposed to the $25 for one and don’t do well in the cold at all, I elected to wear an intricately multilayered outfit consisting of the
  8. Untitled Mexican Travel Journal Excerpt I: Freepatriating
    24 Dec, 2016
    Untitled Mexican Travel Journal Excerpt I: Freepatriating
    (The first of many excerpts from a book still writing itself) I never felt quite at home back at home. The eerily similar and uniformly gray cityscapes that saw the unfolding of my formative years never fulfilled me in any real way, and the inherent pride lifelong residents of large American cities like New York (and its analogues which distinguish themselves chiefly by their major landmarks and signature foods) feel based on their unintentional geographic designations never quite resonated

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